Sometime in the not-too-distant future...
LinkedIn announces the Official Authentic Human Content Certification Program™.
The goal is simple: Give users a way to prove, beyond any reasonable doubt, that their LinkedIn posts were written by a real human being, without the assistance of AI.
Participants must travel to LinkedIn headquarters, where they're escorted into a specially constructed, all-white clean room designed to eliminate any possibility of AI assistance.
Cell phones and electronic devices are confiscated at the entrance. All wi-fi and cellular signals are blocked. There are no computers.
Inside, there's nothing but a white desk, a chair, a pencil, and a stack of blank paper.
Each participant has 24 hours to write their LinkedIn post. The entire process is recorded on video.
Posts that pass are awarded the coveted "100% Human Written" certification badge.
Result: An investigative journalist discovers that participants had simply used AI to generate their posts before arriving, memorized them, and reproduced them by hand. LinkedIn immediately suspends the program.
All the same precautions as Version 1.0, but with an important addition. Participants must now submit to a comprehensive audit of their home internet traffic for the 30 days preceding their visit. LinkedIn proudly announces that it has closed the loophole.
Result: Investigative journalists discover that participants had asked friends to generate their posts using AI. The friends printed out the results and physically delivered them to participants' homes, where they memorized the content before their certification appointments. LinkedIn announces an emergency review.
The program is completely overhauled. Participants must now agree to have surveillance cameras installed throughout their homes for two months before certification. They must also wear body cameras at all times, including while sleeping. Every conversation is recorded and reviewed for possible exposure to AI-generated ideas. All incoming mail is inspected.
But LinkedIn recognizes that this still doesn't address the possibility that participants might have memorized AI-generated content before the surveillance period began. So an additional requirement is introduced. Thirty days before their writing appointment, participants must report to LinkedIn headquarters.
They're placed in isolated, windowless, all-white rooms, where they're required to listen to Eiffel 65's 1998 hit "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" on repeat, 24 hours a day, for 30 consecutive days.
LinkedIn's research team believes this will sufficiently disrupt any previously memorized AI-generated content.
Result: All 47 participants independently write almost identical posts about how spending 30 days isolated in a room listening to the same song taught them the true meaning of leadership.
Each post begins with "I never thought I'd be sharing this..."